of grand returns and words unsaid

Two years on hiatus, and I still couldn't find a proper way to start my latest post. Which is ok, because I really don't care if people read this. Which they won't, until some poor fool stumbles upon it. Which, at this point, happens to be you, dear reader. Did you really have nothing better to do? Come on, I know you did.

Well anyway, the reason this is being written is because there's something that I've been wanting to say, but can't. Get well soon Baba. I'm worried about you. I know I've been really busy with Revels lately, but somehow I wish I was back in Mumbai with you. Somehow this just doesn't seem to matter. Also I'm so proud of Jhilli and Mamma. If this were Manipal, I'd say Dee Tee treat. As it is, we'll probably have to settle for a big family hug when I get back.

Revels is upon us, and I'm pleasantly surprised that I can do without all that sleep I whine about not getting in class. But then this is just the first day. If bad things happen to me sometime in the next three days, it'll be everyone's fault. Also, as i remarked to someone a little while ago, I'm going to sleep the funk out of Sunday. Which will make it all better.

That's all. Here's to two years of deadblogness. May the posts be with you.

For all those who check my blog...I'm currently at hostel, without net. My next post will be along as soon as we get our laptops. Until then, cheerio!

Parting Gifts

Life's been busy lately. No, not the hard-at-work kind of busy. It's more like the I-feel-too-lazy-to-get-up-to-update-my-blog-so-let's-just-sleep-some-more kind of busy. Or the hey-come-over-to-my-house-and-get-some-booze-on-the-way-because-I-feel-too-lazy-to-get-up kind of busy. And so on and so forth.
Be that as it may, I just realized I fulfilled one of my adulthood resolutions. I learned to drive. I.e., I got my driving license. After trying to read an entire instruction manual in Bengali. I feel all gratified.
But the reason I suddenly decided to do something about the deplorable lack of material on my blog was this. I leave today. First to Mumbai, then Manipal, for college. It's taken a while to sink in, but there's a goodish chance I might not be back any too soon, because we've been transferred to Mumbai.
And while I know this won't make up for the deplorable lack of reading material on my blog, I needed to say a lot. All those things we never think of saying in person because we've always taken them for granted. To all my friends, I realize I can't ever express in words how much you've all meant to me. I can but try.
Rono. Best friend since childhood. For all the parties at your house. For the tazos. For the cricket on the terrace. For the EVS marks. For all the memories. Thank you.
Rijoy. Confidante, advisor, and so much more. For understanding me. For helping so much about her. For being there to support me when I needed it. Thank you.
Rama. Who taught me half of all I know. For getting me through all those tuitions. For reminding me to actually pay attention. Thank you.
Basak. Blood brother. For never complaining, all those times I ragged you. For Worms Armageddon. For all the music. Thank you.
Tith, Avi, Dash, Shounak, Rohit, Annie, KB. The R-group. For eating my tiffin when I didn't want it, and also when I did. For teaching me how to bunk. For all the football, and all the maal. Thank you.
Soumya, Rajarshi. Quizzards from that other room. For all the quizzes, with each other and against. For all that I learnt from you guys, from South Park to the Arctic Monkeys. Thank you.
Namrata. So fuckin special. For the first time you talked to me. For all the times you put up with my "bhaat". For understanding every bit of me. Thank you.
Saikat. Madan. Prateek. Dibya. Rajiv. Bose and Avik and Abray. Kushagra and Atri. Swati. Arjun. Namrata Basu. To each and every one, thank you.
Ok, that completely sucked. Apart from the fact that this is the most sentimental I've been in most of the past century, I probably missed out on four-fifths of the people I should have mentioned. It's just that one little blog entry can never be enough to say all that I wanted to about all of you. Rest assured, I can never forget any of you guys. Well, except for the ones I forgot already.
Goodbye, till we meet again.

I hate responsibilty. It's this really big word that parents keep throwing at you when you least expect it, and it doesn't make things easier when it's something as life-changing (wait, is that a word?) as college admissions.
Which is actually the reason for this post, come to think of it. The holidays are over (technically they aren't, but I was never good with technicalities anyway.) So now I have absolutely no idea what I'm going to be doing with the rest of my life. "Tomar bhobishhot khubi jhorjhore!", I seem to remember hearing at some vague point in the past. Wasn't to me though, but all things considered, it wouldn't be far from my condition.
Don't get me wrong here - it's not that I don't care. Not when it's a matter of my future. Just wish there weren't so many decisions to make. Decisions scare me. ("Ah", said the psychoanalysts, and scribbled in their notebooks. "Decisions scare him. Interesting.")
So it's back to racking my already well-racked brains, wondering which way I'm headed, that sort of crap. The kind of thing that I'm really really bad at.
Then again, it is my responsiblity. Oh yes, this should be a lot of fun.

Getting older

My last post was quite some time back; fact is, I feel too lazy too exert myself nowadays. What with my busy schedule, and...oh wait, I don't have a busy schedule. Basically I'm becoming a lazy slouch - maybe exam time was good for me after all.
Well anyway, my 18th birthday's come and gone, and I can safely say that I haven't gotten any wiser than I was before. Yes, I do get to vote now (I could even vote for Tapas Pal, who is reportedly a local municipality bigwig), but it is sort of saddening to think that I am now a responsible citizen - was much better off being an irresponsible little kid!
At least I get my driving license - finally. Might make adulthood worth it, actually. In fact, I was even offered an astounding 5% discount if I wanted to learn how to drive an auto-rickshaw...ah yes - every man's dream, that.
Along with adulthood also comes a whole lot of responsibilities, and to commemorate the occasion, I would like to make a few resolutions:

1. I will learn to drive. I will learn to drink. I will not do both at once, since at this point, I can hardly handle either.

2. I will not touch my books in college until I have been threatened with expulsion. Thrice.

3. I will forever be a voice of the oppressed, a helping hand for the needy. Yeah, right.

4. I will NOT randomly pick out a button when I finally get to enter the polling booth for the first time in my life. Note: This includes eeny meeny miny mo, inky pinky ponky, and other such mechanisms enabling me to achieve same.

5. I will exercise caution when watching late-night television. Note: refer to point no.3 for comment.

Guess that's about it. I'll try and keep from succumbing to lethargy in order to be a bit more regular with the posts. And in case I don't, you can always leave a comment or two.

My older posts

Sudden decision to move to Blogspot. Probably because I was feeling too lonely on Xanga! Well anyway, future posts will be here. For the time being, a list of my older posts is below.



Sunday, May 13, 2007

	I'm going to Sikkim. For a week. Don't ask me why - wasn't my idea. So anyway, I'll be back next Sunday. Till then, best of luck for my fellow sufferers - may ISC be just as you wanted it to be. And if it isn't, don't worry - I'm with you, mate! Cheerio, The Mindbender

Thursday, May 10, 2007

	It's not a suicidal article, that's all I'll say!

A review? Hasn't been the best of times lately. First the sheer trauma of having to get through a lot of engineering exams knowing next to nothing, and staring blankly at lots of little bubbles, about three-fourths of which I always end up marking (call it a momentary lapse of reason...several, in fact!). Then, just when exams were over, and I was planning to relax with some pina colada, along came a break-up. Trust me, the least said about that, the better. Sad, to say the least. So then I went to see Spiderman 3szh5ZsAcgJU. Call it the after-effects of depression, or the "Indian Idol" trailer at the beginning of the movie - either way, it left me saddened. True, it tried. Evil villains, check. Mind-numbing special effects, check. Romantic angle, check. (Peter Parker likes Mary-Jane Watson. Harry Osborn likes Mary-Jane Watson. Eddie Brock likes Gwen Stacy. Gwen Stacy likes Peter Parker. So where does that leave everyone again?) Coming back to the point, nothing was missing. So what went wrong? Maybe the film tried too hard. Maybe somehow, amidst all that it was trying to bring together, the movie lost its way. In any case, it couldn't compare with the first two. (I quite liked the second Spidey movie too, somehow.) A disappointment. The one silver lining - I think I've developed a crush on Bryce Dallas Howard. Here's a pic of her, as Gwen Stacy. Don't ask me why, though. Just found her smile really sweet. Problem is, Gwen Stacy dies in the comics. Hopefully they won't kill her off in the next movie. If they decide to make one. But yes, that doesn't change the fact that I still think Jessica Alba happens to be the hottest chick in Hollywood. Just a thought.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

	Not really much into depressing articles...will try and make sense with the next one. Promise!

,

Lost... My life has turned upside down, and I must say I hadn't expected this. Not now. Has it hit me yet? I really don't know. Maybe about now I should be looking for a way out, a way to move on. That's what they all say - "It's ok. You'll survive." Only I can't. I won't survive, not like this. So now I'm looking for a reason. A reason why this had to happen. That hasn't helped either, though. When you love someone so much, and she loves you just as much as you do, you don't expect to be told "Oh, but it was going to happen anyway..." And so, I think, and I think, and I think. And then I just feel even more suicidal, so I stop thinking. And then I feel lost. And then I can't take that anymore, so i start thinking again. There's this empty feeling somewhere inside me, a void that refuses to leave. Because no matter how much you deny it, I will always believe that this was my fault. Maybe it's a matter of convenience - maybe I would much rather have someone to hate, even if it is myself. Somehow I need to channel this despair. Somehow I need to get through this. And just in case I never get to tell you again, I love you. I really really love you. For all that's worth. Monday, May 07, 2007 Introducing... Question : What does a guy do when he's totally bored, has nothing to do for the next three months, and doesn't have a clue about anything in the world (and frankly, doesn't care much either)? Answer : He starts a blog. Mans, womans and other assorted species, welcome to the Mindbender's blog. I can't guarantee that you'll leave any too enlightened, or even in possession of your senses, but I can always try. Up for it? Then let the Mind Games begin!